you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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