I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
