Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
