dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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