Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
