I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize