First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
