your thong is hanging out like whoa
Non-Jews are for practice
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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