Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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