i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
