When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
