i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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