physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
