Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize