How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
