Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
