I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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