I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize