I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
