I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In other news, I just burned my penis
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
