i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
