Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
