the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
