i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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