he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize