I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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