tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize