I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
