there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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