wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
