She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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