Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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