Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
