I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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