am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
do herpes really smell.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
