i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He passed out mid-signature
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
