just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
