Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
