as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
