Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
