I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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