I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize