I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
