Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
