haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm too high and old for this...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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