this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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