i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
