are you still at the devil's house?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
