You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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