You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
