I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
