someone threw a dead crab at me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
