apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The adults are the big ones right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
