Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
