we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
