what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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