like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
