i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
