It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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