your parents love me but you hate me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i will never coherently bang her
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
