What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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