i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
