Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
