I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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