This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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