talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
