birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
