that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
