She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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