they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
