is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
